Anyway: the story
The Three Johnny’s
A Journey into the World of Time Travel and Insanity, this is the story of a woman who enters the world of a man who has altered reality by cloning himself through time travel.
The diner was on the 5th ring of Saturn. To get there, travelers are advised to take a left at the Zoser asteroid, a right at the Great Red Spot, but not so far as the giant asshole- that’s just passed the diner. At 3 AM, on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s, the diner is available to the population of Zodiac, Missouri for 1 hour. The diner is a popular stop for the trans-galactic peoples of the universe. Its features include a large parking area that can accommodate family-sized star rv’s, a temporal change booth, and a $5.95 Steak and Egg Special. The diner is frequented by many different species from many different worlds, and although few Earthlings have reached the galactic hot spot, it is a member of this group that runs the diner.
It was hot, surprisingly humid, and all around summertime on the morning when Ariel decided to go for a drive. She’d lived in Zodiac for 7 years and was widely known as “the insomniac” around town. The phrase was not catchy so the locals called her… Ariel. She journeyed throughout the town and explored every shadow it held. It was boredom. Miraculously, coincidently, or just as a freak accident, Ariel never had trouble sleeping on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It was a miraculous, coincidental, freak accident that made Ariel stay up on a Thursday night.
Ariel had driven down County Rd 505 many times and was quite surprised to see the neon blue and pink lights of the diner shining in the distance. As she drew near, Ariel began to doubt her sanity. However, Ariel was a rational being, and instead of continuing the thought process of hallucinations and straight-jackets she decided that tonight must be the diner’s opening night. She never noticed the diner being built because it was always so dark when she drove by. Either way, she decided it would be nice to have a coffee on her night’s journey.
By the time she parked and walked into the diner it was turning 3:07 AM. The first image she was greeted with as she walked in the door was that of the cook. He stood behind the counter staring at the door. The cook was a greasy fellow and looked to be about 54. He had a dark 5 o’clock shadow- plus an inch. His gray-black hair was topped with one of those cool soda-jerk paper hats. He was wearing a white t-shirt with a white, or what used to be white, apron. As Ariel walked up to the counter to take a seat she noticed that the cook’s eyes never left her. She decided that she must be the first customer of the night… and decided to sit a few seats away from him.
“I’ll have a coffee.”
He made some sort of grunt reply and went about getting a cup to pour her brew in. The cook was very deliberate as he went through the motions of getting her coffee. In fact, so deliberate that it was 3:18 before he finally sat the coffee in front of her. He looked up as he did, and stared at the door in the same way he stared as Ariel walked in. She turned slightly in her seat to see a man, a gorgeous, heart-throbbing, man’s man. He had jet-black hair cut short in a messy, spiky style. Baby-blue eyes, clean-shaven, and dressed in jeans and a black leather jacket. He strolled to the seat next to Ariel and hopped on the swivel stool. He winked at the cook who immediately filled a glass with soda.
“Hey baby. I’m Johnny. Wanna take a walk on the wild side.”
“Um, what? Did you just call me baby? Who do you think you are?”
“I just told you. I’m Johnny. But let’s not get hung up on details baby.”
She was swayed. The next 42 minutes were spent in a whirlwind of lust and fun. Johnny showed her around the diner. He showed her the bathrooms, the crack in the black-and-white checkered floor that kind of looked like Elvis eating a hot dog, and finally ended in the right section booths. Booth R3 was hot and heavy with steam. The cook had disappeared into the back kitchen area and privacy otherwise was in that of an empty diner. Their tongues were locked in the age-old battle that women long for and men… just want to get through.
Johnny’s eyes had just happened to drift to the clock when realization hit him. The clock was at 3 seconds til 4 AM. Johnny popped out of the booth, yanked Ariel out, and frantically spun her out the door. By the time she’d figured out what happened and turned around to say “WTF?” the diner was gone. She was heartbroken, terrified, and grief-stricken all within the first minute of her being kicked out of the diner. She went straight home in a daze, and fell asleep before her head even touched the pillow.
Every night from then she went out in search of the diner where she had her magical event. Her sleep-deprivation got the better of her Tuesday night, so it was another 2 days before she would be able to see her love once more. Thursday night she drove up and down County Rd 505 when she decided to go home. It was on this last pass that at 3 AM the diner popped up. She parked the car in a rush and ran into the diner to find the cook once again staring at the door. Staring at her.
There was a man leaned over the counter speaking to the cook, and Ariel could only see his back. He had on a long black trench coat, black boots, black everything. When he turned around she could see that he was wearing a black suit that seemed to be made out of a shiny material that moved. He had a straight black goatee and black hair that went into sharp spikes. It took Ariel a second before she gasped and ran to him.
“Oh Johnny! What happened? I thought I’d gone completely crazy!”
“What the hell are you talking about! You are completely crazy you she-bitch. Get out of my way.”
The man who was not Johnny, but looked exactly like him swept out of the door into the night. Ariel was once again confused. She went up to the cook and tried to engage him in conversation.
“What the hell just happened? What the hell is happening? Wasn’t that Johnny?”
The cook sighed. “Yes, that was a Johnny. Just like I’m a Johnny.”
“Okay. That didn’t answer my question. Please explain…”
“You remember that temporal booth back there? The one that looks like the phone booth? 100 years into the future I went back in time and lived out my life as an evil maniac. Then, I went back in time once more as a hero. To save the day against my evil self. Got it?”
He said this all very fast and very gruff to the point that Ariel’s reaction was of surprise and confusion: “What… the… fuck…”
“Don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of it.”
“So… why did this place disappear?”
“It had to get back to Saturn. You wanna go with us back to Saturn, you stay past 4. You wanna just visit the diner occasionally, we’re here Tuesdays and Thursdays at 3. Now leave me alone.”
“Coffee please.”
As he deliberately got the coffee cup, and got the coffee to pour, she sat in another daze. About 15 minute’s later, having only moved once to take a sip of bitter brew, the door slammed open. She turned into the horrid gaze of the evil Johnny. He was certainly evil for as soon as he saw her he snatched her by the hair and began to beat her across the face. After several minutes of this he threw her out the door onto the gravel. Blood smeared her face. At that moment lying on her face in the now empty lot Ariel decided to be back the next Tuesday, to find her love once more.
Her face wasn’t completely healed the next time she walked into the diner. But she was pleased to find her hero waiting. They ran to each other and embraced, but she suddenly pulled away.
“Are you my Johnny? How can I know for sure?”
“The evil Johnny is too prideful to shave his goatee baby.”
“Okay. I guess I’ve accepted everything else… so I’ll take that too.”
“Stay with me babydoll. Journey with me through the galaxy, battling my arch nemesis and saving the universe. Stay until after 4.”
